Subject: Overpayment fortnight ending 28.03.08

Good afternoon James

It has recently come to our attention that there was an error made when processing your re-appointment paperwork for the placement 01.01.08 – 30.06.08.

Your placement was incorrectly incremented to HEW503, however your annual increment date is July each year (not January).

Your placement has been amended to the correct level HEW502 from 1 January 2008. There will be a correction made in the pay of the fortnight ending 28.03.08.

I apologise for this error, if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Kind regards,

PooBum.

PooBum Huffletots*

Human Resources Officer
Faculty of Engineering, Physical Sciences and Architecture
Hawken Engineering Building (50) |The University of Queensland |Brisbane Qld 4072 Australia

Phone: 3365 0000 | Fax: 3365 0000 | Email: pb.huffletots@uq.edu.au

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My response:

Is it a good afternoon when someone informs you that they’ll be docking your pay for a few hundred bucks?

How much will I be re-donating to the cause?

Good on whoever stuffed that up, much appreciated…

James

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Gotta love ‘em, I mean they’ve only paid me 5 times this year… I think if the lady could do the HR equivalent of spitting in my burger she’d be doing it right about… now.

p.s. In case it’s not bleedingly obvious, I have changed the name of Julia Hetherington to PooBum Huffletots to preserve her identity

It started with a call to the ATO – the superseeker no longer listed any super awaiting its collection (unlike a 7 yr old Jameses, lost in the missing child room at Expo88 for a good few hours whilst outside much merriment was being had by all.) A quasi-useful lady found that I had two bundles of goody-goody super waiting to be tracked down…After much searching and progressing in call-queues I had finally located every cent of it (minus holding charges) and have posted off the application to have it repatriated with the rest of my pensioners’ piggy bank.

So in answer to your incredibly insightful Sunday afternoon question, the sum of my toils, the sweats of my loins, the fruits of my labours, amounted to the princely sum of $312.87. Wow! I hear you proclaim, what worth I can restrospectively attach to my unskilled labourer’s ass. The brighter side being that my half an hour’s journey will actually contribute a total of $4,285 to my retirement coffers (That should be able to buy about 3 cappucinos at 2041 prices right?).

Moral of the story? Chase up your super…write a stupid blog…and give up coffee now…

It’s not even a very good one; you can barely make out my face let alone a smile from either Storm or myself.

And with that, I have my first speeding offence. 3 points down from the perfect amount, and my wallet (and liver) relieved of the equivalent of one night’s heavy drinking. I had remarked on the trip how I would be lucky to get away with no speeding fines due to the car’s propensity to sit on 70 or 110km/h of its own volition. Now I can only hope that I don’t have anymore photos backlogged in the NSW police department’s logistics and out-tray services area.

Since that moment of obtaining my first ‘real’ job, I have found myself employed in an additional baker’s dozen jobs (none, ironically in a bakery), of varying quality, duration and remuneration – with precious little time in between to simply play Nintendo and collect the dole. Until recently, however, one thing has been consistent – the wage of each has shadowed the minimum wage’s every move, and consequently my increasing age (and diversified skills base) has seen me slowly scaling the minimum wage wall…Here’s an overview…and be prepared to be amazed at how much my company is REALLY worth…

GO-LO -age 14 through 17. – $4.39/hr – $5.25 – $6.84
A Kebab/Coffee and Croissant Shoppe – 17-18 yrs – $7.17 – $9.86
Heron Island Resort – 18 yrs – $11.35
UQ Library – 18-21yrs – approx $15- $16
Cristamar Cyber Cafe/SushiZona (Spain) - 22 yrs – $7.89 (or slightly less)
UQ Libray – 22-24yrs – approx $18 to $19.83

Imagine that; in 1995, to keep me working in any manner would’ve cost you little more than a (soy) capuccino an hour. In ten years, my utility increased fourfold – not a bad return for any would-be socially responsible investors.

Where to from here? Scale my friend like the soldiers of Alexander at Sogdian Rock – onwards and upwards till you stand on the pinnacle of wealth and survey the panorama of past and future. Either that, or a manager’s job at Indooroopilly Crazy Clark’s; afterall, I do have the experience…