Filed under Rant

Ode to Freecell

Oh free me from the cell!
My heart takes a clubbing and I’ve no diamonds to show for the hours I’ve spent digging away…
It’s time to put down the spades and simply say,
“It’s been fun; It’s been a blast, but at last you can’t defeat me…”

A quick glance at statistics will reveal that I’m near mystic at this game of red and black;
A simple game of eight laden stacks… with four to spare – should you wish to place cards there.
53 straight games without loss – which at first sight suggest three things
I play too much, I work too little and I’m a toss…
For daring to air my love for such a simple sport – a pastime of next-to-no import
Except to those that can’t count sheep, procrastinate or think too deep
And need some time devoid of thought, where patterns reign and victories sort the trapped from the free….

Sell me but a little motivation, help me get some absentation from this most benign vocation that keeps me bound past working hours,
When F2 builds those 8 card towers for one more hit of vice… What!?! No Dice!
A junkie with a monkey on my back – one that’s swathed in red and black – a choice of four suits in which to bury me…
To end my count at 53…

Oh what the hell… let’s go one more, I’m sure as sure as sure, that I’ll be able to stop and walk away, come victory 54…

[Edit – My streak ended on 72… which means the elusive one zero zero still eludes me.]

A Rant

Call me old fashioned, but there’s something inside of me that says that those that enforce the law should obey the law. I understand that there are instances in which ‘extra’-ordinary powers must be enacted in order to preserve greater justice and order, but these are not my beef.

Two instances illustrate my current peeve.

1) Round, Round, Right Round.

I was fined $60 and lost 2 points for doing a u-turn at a green arrow about a month ago. Fair enough. I broke the law. The officer wasn’t able to direct me to which item in the regulations the offence was committed under but ensured me I had erred. And to be fair, it was my fault given that I’d internally remarked that the cop car on the side of the road was most likely waiting for fools to undertake the illegal manoeuvre before pouncing. Revenues have been hit hard it seems.

However, the other night on a casual drive across town, a police car in front of me pulled a u-turn at a green arrow. No sirens a-blazing; no pursuit of bandits underway; no need for extra-ordinary powers. Just an illegal u-turn on a dusky afternoon.

Now hypothetically, if I were to follow the police officer in his u-turning ways. He could stop and pull me over, give me a $60 headache and challenge me to a simple quiz in demerit point subtraction. Is this just?

2) Taxi zones and Police drones

We’ve all struggled to find a park in the city. More and more of the available street parking seems to be directed to ‘work zones’ or ‘taxi zones’ leading one to conclude that taxi drivers and construction workers are multiplying at an extraordinary rate. So much so, in fact, that I deduce that they are most likley the real cause of climate change, inner city road rage and ankylosing spondylitis. Try and park in one of these zones and see how you go. If you are feeling particularly generous, you’re in luck, as you’ll likely metamorphose into a secret santa for that naughty little child, the Man.

Police at the City Police station seem to suffering from the very same affliction; however, they have discovered a novel solution. Fuck ’em. Park there anyways. All day. Illegally. I understand the need for more police parking so that a speedy response to graffiti bandits, horny rhinos, or, lord forbid, buskers should be necessary. So, change the zoning. Make it police zoning or have an exception for police vehicles.

But don’t give me tickets and then proceed to break the law. I bet they jaywalk and walk on the right-hand side of a footpath as well those bastards…