22nd August 2003 – Marbella in Southern Spain

It appears to me that in the age of sophistication, the rise of advanced technology seems to be directly related to a decline in common sense. In a time when we are reaching unknown and vertiginous heights, must we be so stupid as to cover every legal position with phrases such as that in the title bar?

Another boring morning at my internet cafe and I decided to install Yahoo Messenger on some PCs. Being thoroughly bored as I was, I decided to read the TERMS AND CONDITIONS (emphasis on thoroughly bored eh), and in the third part entitled “for absolute imbecils” came across the following:

“YOU MAY NOT USE THE YAHOO SOFTWARE TO OPERATE NUCLEAR FACILITIES, LIFE SUPPORT OR OTHER MEDICAL EQUIPMENT, MANUFACTURING OR CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT, WEAPONS SYSTEMS, AIRCRAFT OR NAUTICAL NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, OR FOR ANY OTHER MISSION CRITICAL APPLICATION WHERE HUMAN LIFE OR PROPERTY MAY BE AT STAKE. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THE YAHOO SOFTWARE IS NOT DESIGNED FOR SUCH PURPOSES AND THAT ITS FAILURE IN SUCH CASES COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PROPERTY OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE FOR WHICH YAHOO IS NOT RESPONSIBLE;”

My question is this: Should any person who thinks it may be possible to operate nuclear facilities, weapons systems or air traffic control systems using YAHOO MESSENGER be allowed anywhere near said facilities. I´m well aware of advanced options but “Re-route Boeing 747″, “Avoid Plant Meltdown” and “Launch Thermal Nuclear Warhead” don´t seem to appear on my tool bar. Have I downloaded an outdated version?

Can you imagine US General Franks:

BIGBOYTOMMY46 says: Mr President…we haven´t found any weapons desposits in Iraq yet :( Maybe we should launch a pre-emptive strike on Saddam´s palace ;) I think he would really appreciate that :P
BILBOBAGGIN$BU$H says: Like your thinking tommy boy :D Saddam must disarm…Give me word when it´s done… Don´t call the hotline because I´ve got my internet plugged in and the damn thing always disconnects :o

BIGBOYTOMMY46 wishes to send BILBOBAGGIN$BU$H “Permissiontobombsaddam.irq”. Click ACCEPT or REJECT

File Transfer Completed… Click LAUNCH now.

BIGBOYTOMMY46 says: Thank you Mr President God Bless America…
BILBOBAGGIN$BU$H says: Yes sirree bob.. gOD bLESS US ALL…

Somehow I don´t think so…

Then as if to add an addendum for “really mentally challenged people”, Yahoo adds

(iii)DO NOT USE THE YAHOO SOFTWARE WHILE DRIVING, BIKING, BOATING, OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY OR ENGAGING IN ANY OTHER POTENTIALLY HAZARDOUS ACTIVITY. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR PROPERTY DAMAGE MAY RESULT FROM USE OF THE YAHOO SOFTWARE WHILE ENGAGED IN THESE ACTIVITIES;

Need I make a mock conversation for this as well? I would like to think not. Thank you Yahoo for treating me like more of an idiot than I really am, and for making me feel smart for never reading the terms and conditions.

Oh and just so you know… by downloading Yahoo messenger, you :
a) must be over 18
b) may be obliged to pay for future use of any product under Yahoo Licensing
and c) must forfeit your left testicle to Yahoo Corporation in retribution for abuse or misuse of aforementioned product.

Anyways, I hope you are all well…

If, by some twist of fate, I am crushed under a heavy tractor whilst attempting to launch a thermal nuclear warhead during a heated Yahoo debate, I will happily retract this email and posthumously forfeit my left testicle.

OK love to all

James