A man was jailed today in Hong Kong for distributing three films over BitTorrent after his appeal was quashed. He will now have to serve 3 months in jail for uploading the movies Daredevil, Miss Congeniality and Red Planet without a licence. The defence case rested strongly on the fact that in spite of being uploaded, the films would never be wanted, downloaded or viewed by anyone.

The defendent pleaded to a packed courthouse that it was punishment enough that he would forever be known as the “guy who has actually seen Miss Congeniality and enjoyed it enough to want to share it with others”. Moreover, by later giving the films the false filenames of ‘A night in Paris vols 1, 2 and 3′, the defendent’s lawyer was adamant that his client was doing the distributors a favour by tricking people into watching at least a few minutes of undeniably arguably the worst films ever made.
In reaction to the news, a spokesperson for the Anti-viral Resilient Strategic Entity (ARSE) stated, “We’re just glad that the net is rid of that filth forever. Now that the rampant spread of Miss Congeniality (codename Congenital Syphilis) has been stopped, we can divert our attention to the less pressing issues of Trojans, Mal-ware, and those blinky-ads -that-say-you-have-won-a-prize. We dare that devil to have another crack at ARSE!”

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The defendent upon arrival at the courthouse (left) and after being deveiled and proctologically examined (r).

The defendent was also able to confirm that his BitTorrent username of “Big Crook” was an interim measure while we was waiting for the name “Bit Crooked” to free up. Other names, contained in court documents obtained by The Herald Scum, included “Congenial Devil”, “DaRed Planet” and “Shoot_me_I’m_so_sad_and_lonely”.