Al Gore has vehemently slammed Prime Minister John Howard’s position on climate change, stating that he is living in a ‘fairy land full of pixies’.

Former almost-president Gore said “John Howard simply has no idea. The sooner he realises that cardiac workouts simply result in a commensurate increase in lung size the better. By persisting on taking morning walks in Sydney, Canberra…hell, wherever…he is exhaling more CO2 than otherwise would be the case and is thus exacerbating what already is a global challenge of intergalactic proportions.

“John Howard is a climate villain”, he continued. “I would recommend that he stay indoors, turn the lights down (to conserve energy) and settle into a nice, informative DVD. May I be so bold as to suggest ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ which is available at all climatically responsible video outlets?”

Yet whilst observing the PM during his controversial morning walk today, one could not fail to note a more forceful pant and exhalation, as if to emphasise his disgust at Mr Al’s insinuations. When queried, the Prime Minister chortled that Gore’s claims were objectionable and fancifully constructed. Moreover, the Prime Minister declared “If I followed Mister Gore’s advice and turned my lights down, the reduction in energy consumption could have dramatic flow-on effects for our thermal coal producers and the fossil-fuel based energy market upon which we rely so heavily. Deliberately impacting upon our economy in any negative way would simply be irresponsible.”

And with that, he was out of sight, resilient despite the knowledge that he may possibly exhale humanity’s final breath (and hope) in this drawn-out fight to the death (or worse!) against climate change.